Reward yourself - what a concept!

When George Madiou invited me to write an article for his magazine, I was honored, excited and a little bit intimidated by the concept of deadlines and commitments.

The subject, “Rewarding yourself,” proved to be a challenge for me because I started to think about how little I am willing to do this for myself, which subsequently led me down the rabbit hole of asking why and how can I remedy this? I called George a few days before the article was due with a bunch of excuses for why I should probably write next month when the subject is easier for me to handle. Those of you who know Mr. Madiou will know that he is a warm, loving, and insanely supportive man and so darned positive… he ended our conversation with: “I look forward to reading your article.” Bless him!

One of my mentors told me that all excuses are equal.

So here I am writing an article about a subject I know little about. I decided to use one of my lifelines, ask a friend, and texted my good friend Jean. He responded with this: “How do I reward myself? Honestly, I gotta think about it. I focus so much on others, helping them to succeed and making sure others have what they want and need that I don’t have any time to think about myself. I love to cook, but it's always for loved ones. My wife tells me that she noticed I never buy anything just for myself. Looks like I have some homework to do!”

It appears I am not alone, and I’d bet many of you can relate!

The fact of the matter is, we are not taught to reward ourselves. I can’t remember my parents ever making sure that little Debbie had taken a course on how important it is to make sure she rewards herself with every opportunity.

How about in school? Wouldn’t it be awesome if we were to learn self-love right from the start? I’m from the generation that says “Forget about yourself, don’t be selfish. Only celebrate others and don’t, whatever you do, blow your own horn.” It turns out that after years of feeling like we must put others’ needs and feelings before our own, we become chronically deprived of the self-love that we need. So how important is this practice of self-love and rewarding ourselves? I believe it is essential for our growth and ultimately our success in business and in life.

What does the word reward mean?

re·ward

/rəˈwôrd/

noun

1. a thing is given in recognition of one's service, effort, or achievement.

"the holiday was a reward for 40 years' service with the company"

verb

1. make a gift of something to (someone) in recognition of their services, efforts, or achievements.

"the engineer who supervised the work was rewarded with a bonus"

Most of us are living our lives on autopilot, so it’s likely that we may not even have a reward system in place at all. We aren’t recognizing our services, efforts, or achievements. So with this thought in mind, it is time to take a few notes.

Literally, write down with pen and paper the things that you would like to do when you want to practice the art of self-rewarding.

Through my exploration into self-love and reward systems, I decided to explore and imagine what I will do to reward myself. Janet Ver Fine recently showed me an exercise which I will share with you.

Starting with a pile of index cards, I wrote one word or thing in the middle of each card. Something that I might be able to reward myself with. It could have been something small or something massive, but I kept going until I ran out of things to write.

One of the words, to my own surprise, was “Pen”. I didn’t think I needed one. But something interesting happened, which I find magical and fascinating. The next day, I was driving with my husband, and he stopped at Staples to grab a few things. As he was getting out of the car he turned and asked me if I wanted anything. Normally I would not want a thing but this time, without hesitation I replied, “I want a nice new pen!” I was almost shocked at myself.

For me, the pen is symbolic in so many ways. It represents writing, expressing myself, asking for what I want… manifesting something small by knowing exactly what that is. The Universe is waiting for us to be specific and then it provides. He came back with a beautiful silver Parker pen, I was happy. I know a pen is not a big deal but what is interesting about this experiment is that if I had not written “Pen” on that index card a day before I neither would have known what I wanted nor would I have gotten a nice new pen.

My advice to you is to think about all the things you would like to have. Write down everything.

Keep going, don’t judge your ideas, and just let them flow. Go from large to small, tiny and sweet to bold and crazy. Write it all down and add to it when more things come to you. Open the possibilities to the Universe and in turn to your subconscious mind. Allow yourself to treat yourself. Once you have all your heart's desires down on paper, you can then look to see which of those things can be done right now, like the pen.

As more time passed, I got additional responses from my lifelines.

Many of my friends do know how to reward themselves. As it turns out, so many rewards are free and don’t take a lot of time or effort. Responses included meditation, dancing, listening to music, cooking a nice meal, making coffee, and using one of those whippy sticks to make the almond milk frothy, then sprinkling some cacao on top! Singing, hugging someone, making love, calling a friend. The list goes on and on.

Commuting with Nature is one of my favorites. Go for a swim and bring a special snack. Walking your dog. Creating art and taking a bath with essential oils. Getting a massage. Take yourself to far-off lands. Read a book, that’s one of the most powerful rewards we can give ourselves. Buy something you have wanted for a while… and there are always flowers. A reward does not need to be something you get from outside of yourself. How about this? Close your eyes, breathe in, hold it, and breathe out. Doesn’t that feel good?

When you have completed a task, reward yourself. When you stretch yourself outside of your comfort zone, reward yourself. When you achieve something that you are proud of, reward yourself. Celebrate your life and get into the habit of rewarding yourself. I am willing to bet that when we do that consistently, others will find themselves enjoying us more. We will be happier and more fulfilled. We will be practicing self-love and by doing so, others will benefit. It means that we can be filled up instead of being constantly depleted. When we are full, we can give more to others. That is scientific.

When we are in the habit of rewarding ourselves for small things then when the time comes for those big rewards it will come naturally with no resistance from the Universe. We will know that we deserve, everyone benefits from our new awareness.

I am off to reward myself now for completing this article, and by doing so I am training my brain to accept this behavior.

Thank you, George, for your faith in me.