The Way You Listen Determines What Will Show Up for You in Life

A fellow agent has sent you a coded message.

You pull out the decoder key and set about decrypting the message. What you end up with certainly makes sense, and you’re sure that you have the right information. However, what you cannot know is that the other agent coded the message using a different decoder key. What he meant for you to read is not at all the same message that you worked so hard to decode.

We all communicate in code all the time, blithely assuming that the decoder key that we’re using is the same one that everyone else is using. In other words, we filter what we say and what we hear from others through our own perceptions, prejudices, and outlooks. Unfortunately, we simultaneously ignore one obvious fact — everyone has a different, individual set of personal perceptions that directly affect their communication...

This filter of personal perceptions and subconscious interpretations is what I and others in this business call a person’s listening. When you’re in a conversation, your listening — positive or negative, tolerant or hostile — will have a direct impact on how you receive the words of the people around you. Are you sure that you are allowing yourself to clearly hear what the others are saying — or is every comment filtering through an almost-permanent set of perceptions, your own listening?

One of the greatest myths is that we listen to others from the perspective that our listening is empty.

That is, we are a blank slate and when others speak, we hear exactly whatever they are saying and intending that we get from their speaking. For example, notice how often you either check out of a conversation and stop listening or how often you find yourself listening to your own opinions and judgments about what is said.

In The Freedom Course, Mike Smith’s extraordinary program on leadership development, he points out that our listening is actually full. Nothing can show up for us if we are not open to it — that is, we do not have a listen for it. We live in the listening other people provide for us. If their listening for our speaking is generous listening, the chances of our really being heard and understood accurately are far greater than if the listening we are speaking into is one that is closed off.

For example, you may be an accomplished and successful businessperson leading a multinational corporation. When you speak to the listening of your colleagues, you are heard as charismatic and powerful. In contrast, when you return to your small hometown to visit Mom and Dad, you may speak into the listening that you are little, helpless Johnny or Susie. When you return to your 20-year high school reunion, if the listening for you is an introverted bookworm, this is how others will perceive you no matter how much you have since changed. Because you will not be able to reach others in a way that is different from the listening they have for you, be aware of what the listening is for your speaking. With this awareness, you will create the opportunity to speak such that you make an impact. To be truly effective, take responsibility for creating the listening that you want others to have for you. You do this by actually speaking to the issue you see needing to be addressed. You make no careless assumptions about how others may listen to your words. Instead, decide what you intend to convey and take responsibility for your communication to be effective.

Train others in regard to how you are to be treated and how they are to interact with you.

If you find that people consistently treat you poorly, without respect, order you around, or abuse you in any way, you likely have not trained them otherwise.

Instead, learn to train them how to treat you by making requests that cause them to honor you in their interactions. Do not settle for behavior that is inappropriate for the person you have chosen to be. Taking full responsibility for the listening into which you are speaking while managing how you are heard with clear, clean communication will skyrocket your effectiveness.

Being aware of the listening you have for others is as important as being aware of the listening they have for you.

If you consider someone to be not particularly powerful or intelligent, you’ll likely miss any significant contribution they might make to you. Listening to the same person with an expectation to get something significant from the conversation will result in a totally different perspective with new and previously undiscovered possibilities.

As you listen to what is spoken, as well as to what is unsaid, your personal power will increase in proportion to your ability to listen. You will only be capable of generating a new listening to hear others when you recognize how you typically listen. Take responsibility for owning how you listen, and a world of new possibilities will emerge.

Remember, we are always listening to something. We are either listening to what is being said or to what that little voice in our head is telling us about it. All it takes to be powerful in listening is your deliberately stated intention to do so and rigorously returning yourself to your commitment when you notice that you are not. To generate powerful listening, listen for possibilities. Listen to the other person’s values, concerns, and commitments. Get into their world and truly listen for what it’s like to be them. Access your personal power by continually asking yourself, “What am I listening to now?”

Expanding Your Listening

> Pay attention to what your listening is for the people you speak with on a daily basis. Identify if your listening is a generous one or one that makes the other person small.

> Consciously generate empowered listening by listening for some value and contribution in every conversation, regardless of the person’s style of speaking or the opinion you hold about them. You may have to suspend that opinion in order to be effective.

> In each conversation, notice the listening you are speaking into. Is it impatient, angry, know-it-all, or distracted listening? Describe each person’s listening. Could you tell how it affected whether you were heard accurately?

> Manage the listening you speak into. If the person is not paying attention, stop the conversation to ask if perhaps it’s not a good time to have the conversation. If you are being listened to in a way that does not support the conversation, address your concern up front. Take responsibility for being heard without being hostile or combative.

> Record your observations in your journal daily.

______________________________________________________

To learn more about Dr. Joe Rubino's life-altering programs and books, visit...

Http://www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com

and

High Self Esteem Adults High Self Esteem Kids Life Optimization Coaching Master Life Optimization Coaching Self-Confidence Coaching Certified Relationship Coaching Certified Business Coaching Live Your Dream Life Video Course Journey of the Soul Brain Wave Program

Dr. Joe Rubino, CEO of Http://www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com , is acknowledged as one of the world’s foremost experts on the topic of elevating self-esteem. He is a life-changing personal development and success coach on how to restore self-esteem, achieve business success, maximize joy and fulfillment in life and productivity. He is known for his groundbreaking work in personal and leadership development, building effective teams, enhancing listening and communication skills, life, network marketing and business coaching and optimal life planning.

His 12 best-selling books and audio programs are available in 25 languages and in 53 countries and include:

• The 7-Step System to Building a $1,000,000 Network Marketing Dynasty

• Secrets of Building a Million Dollar Network Marketing Organization from a Guy Who’s Been There, Done That and Shows You How You Can Do It Too
• The Ultimate Guide to Network Marketing
• 10 Weeks to Network Marketing Success
• The Self-Esteem Book: The Ultimate Guide to Boost the Most Underrated Ingredient for Success and Happiness in Life.

• The Success Code, Books I & II

Dr. Joe offers powerful personal and group coaching to support business success and life fulfillment. Learn more at www.CenterForPersonalReinvention.com . To contact him, email DrJoe@CenterForPersonalReinvention.com .

Learn more about his life-changing work in championing people to restore their self-esteem at http://www.SelfEsteemSystem.com and receive FREE the insightful audio program “7 Steps to Soaring Self-Esteem” and Mini-Course - a $129 Value!